Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Fun Times at Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament at Castle Toronto

*SPOILER ALERT!!!! if you really care about the thrilling plot line*

As a noble woman of the Red and Yellow Kingdom (red cause chinese people like lucky, communist red, and yellow cause chinese people like gold), I was obligated to attend to the Dinner and Tournament hosted by the Throaty King Phillipe over at the Toronto Castle.  

Here is Lord Chancellor inviting us into the King's castle, and delegating the parties to their tables after the knighting ceremony. 

Scurried in by our full bosom wench, I mulled over the Bill of Fare, painstakingly inked by the finest slaves no doubt.

No! this is not a bowl of peasants blood! though i reckon would taste like bile! But the sweet savoury creamy flavours of a fine tomato bisque, served out of a plastic black kettle...and a side of buttery-i-can-see-through-this-plastic-metal-looking-plate garlic bread

As I am enjoying my butter, with bread, i witness an atrocity! What is this but Prince Tristan, forgetting his safeword and now held captive by... bad guys... which really was his fault, cause his week old wife Princess Leonore begged him to stay, but he insisted on a trip with his boys, also known as the John Travolta Kelly Preston Story.

But the Tournament must go on.  Here's King Philippe in a ceremonial march in where he invites knights from all surrounding kingdoms to compete for glory.

My very own knight. what is that round amulet on that spectator's wrists?

the wenches come around with halved rotisserie chicken

Ribs and roasted potatoes

this is all i get? more food wenches!

The entertainment commences with feats of equestrian and falconry (on a side note. i wonder if the royal falcon ever took a royal shat on the royal guests head while in flight). As the royal falcon took flight, i abstained from eating my roast chicken. it felt wrong.

The entertainment continues with the knights performing feats such as killing each other.

Ending my royal meal with a tea and subpar mcdonalds apple pie. 

And so ended my "feast". and here is the formal review.  Medieval times, i visited when i was like 10 at the Califonia castle, it was great then, cause i was 10. and also i got to eat with my hands. which is also the selling aspect for me (there is absolutely NO cutlery).  The food itself is better than i anticipated (I went in the fall, there were less people and the chicken was a lot more tender than this time, which i attributed to the almost full house), the one rib you get is pretty tasty and fall off the bone, anda the half potato is seasoned perfectly. the apple pie is shat.  And the horses do some pretty cool things (but they look really sad) and the falcon flying over your head is really cool too.  It's mostly a kiddy crowd (surprise), but also for those with a whimsical state of mind and want something different.  The jousting is decent and sparks do fly in the sword fighting.  The choreography is sometimes too staged, but who wants to be hit in the head with a mace, so they're gonna make sure they're out of the way.  But all in all, a fun family outing.